Wednesday, September 22, 2010


It has been time no. When was it... 2005?

No 2004 actually.

And it is all starting again with the same place?

Well, one could say that. I am not too sure of the dates though but yeah it might just end up there.

Moonie is back. :)

Possibly. It is more like moonie is back in his shell. And there is another face.

That is the way. ... So, you were all quiet on Saturday night while walking a long distance.

I wasn't tired.

Who is talking about that? It is not the first time. We did not have a joint. That was the only wrong thing.

I did not need one. Not on that night.

Did you get to say everything?

I guess. But you know how love is. There is always space for more.

Hurt you are not anymore. Right?

Yes. I am probably just sad.

Pain is inevitable, suffering optional. You won't come out soon now. That's good. We'll get to spend some more time. You often get lost though. I guess that comes as a package deal with you.

I am high on caffeine right now. It is so energetic and weird. Triple shot.

We're drinking in the evening again, right?

Yeah yeah.

Let's keep it simple, real slow and low. Let's not move that fast. Especially now when you have found your empty space. I'm there anyway. You are doing good. That's how it should be with the man of numerous faces.

I am hoping it all sorts out. I will get to spend a lot of time alone. Which is good. And yeah. I'll be high. And a li'l fucked.

Proper fucked.


Saturday, December 05, 2009

Ego (t)rip

Oh you know the thing about chaos. It is there.

Often my mind wanders from one object of interest to another, and I do not have an explanation for it. It almost seems as if there is something telling me to do it and I know it is not temptation. It is like the parallel track you keep hearing in the background on a consistent basis. But you know the thing is that it is kind of clever. This voice. It seems enamouring, sort of like a soft cloud but you know what is behind might definitely not find a like in you.

But it exists.

I am sort of living in this trance… it almost appears like an extension of my megalomania. I do not know if it is moving anywhere apart from where it is. Is my problem the presence of such large reservoirs of knowledge or the sheer imagination of it? I wish I knew nothing. Oh but then, what do you know?

Lost in a roman, wilderness of pain, and all of them are insane. I feel very punkish at times, like one of 'em blokes you see swaggering on the street puffing away those biceps without any direction. I just love the jackets this specie wears, all the time. Oh, and yeah, the clothes, I love those as well.

Try doing this sometime, run without any knowledge of destination or reason. Just freely and keep smiling. It is like this moment you learn that at times, we stop ourselves from loads of shyte that we are capable of and were we to be running, there is simply no stopping us. And the world still won't care.
You know it came here before all of us.

I like to intimidate people at times by simply staring at them. They say I have a bad, hypnotic stare. Then there are those as well who find my stare "piercing with soft bristles, like toothbrush". (!!!) Anyway...
It is super cool when you do that to a woman who has some skin and courage to show. Should you be fortunate enough, some panache as well, and those are oh so good to look at. That is if you are not one of those horny desperados waiting to ejaculate. I mean this is some sensible thing I am trying to talk. So give a nice hint or preview of that look, and then catch those moments where I stare. It doubles up as a basic litmus test as well.

I have started wearing red shoes. I never thought I would but we can compliment each other. I don't how.
It is funny that my girl's PG friends used to think I am gay. No it is not. I just can't help it now, can I?
Love will someday tear me apart, I know it. It has been written for me.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Singin' ol' blues

You know the day destroys the night, the night divides the day...

That's a first.

We chased our pleasures here, dug out treasures there.

Ok what are you on?

Have you ever felt the winds of change not working in your favour in the sense you wish to go against them?

It is not a healthy exercise, I reckon.

Yeah, I realised that few minutes back. I am not sure if I am ready to accept this and walk back to where I came from. It seems a lot scary now than ever. And that is not one of the reasons I wish to oppose the times, which are changing. What if...

You fail, miserably.


Well, then there might not exactly be a danger you see. There are a lot better things there than here. Then again, you may wish to argue the contrary. The point is, what does the contradiction leads to as what might comprise a better life.

Have I failed you?

You'll never fail me as long as you keep me separate from yourself, which we both know, is not the truth. :) Otherwise punch this mirror right away and stop living like us. They'll be happy to hear that.

I had a wet dream, about her. It was surreal. And wow.

Were you listening to Bear Melt? Was it good? Is she still that fat?

Don't you say that? That's just fucking rude.

Oh, I am sorry. (Whatever)

There was a funny scene however. I lifted her in my arms with her head towards my left shoulder and she felt like a feather. Although when I lifted her again, and this time with her head towards the right, she suddenly became several feathers heavier. The tricks of the conscious.

I like your usage of feathers. hahahahaha

You are such a prick!

You know you are about to come face to face with legends like Colin Fernandes and Aditya Sinha soon? I mean, are you all ready for it?

I have no clue. I have no clue.

How was that girl in the bus the other day?

Oh she was hot! Those incredibly blue eyes and the golden locks. It was after a long time I exchanged those expressions.

Why did you not ask her out?

... Was there a point? I had 10p in my pocket.

Love also comes at a cost.

I don't know about love, but dates certainly do.

You are no stranger to that.

:) Yeah that was me. I don't know if I'll have a similar date in near future.

That did not happen, you just charmed her enough to take you out on the date while she was under the wrong impression. And that was a good date.

It did end well.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I like this high

I am listening to the sounds of silence, as crumpled I lay in the dark confines. It has a sense of deja vu, this feeling, you know. I have heard them before and every time I say the same words. It was kind of strange, the air that I walked through today. I like this high, a temporary sense of absolute disconnect with everything. The sky no longer feels any different, not that I noticed much of it back then... but back then, I was used to noticing it, off and on.
I see myself walking through stone roads with amber lamps on either side and a violinist playing, gently. And then an accordion, and a beautiful face, with eyes that haunt you with an encumbering presence, with those lips and a voice as sweet as a nightingale's.
I just live fantasies, for I know not if they'd ever be real. At least there is no heartbreak, there is no pain. I prefer it this way.

I miss Khajuraho and its lake. I miss the forts, the railtracks, and the cheap beers. That is some kind of life which never returns no matter how hard you try. That is some life that exists and just, exists.
And then I see something that is unseen. That there is a tomorrow and if it is not that beautiful as today, then there is a chance it might be.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Grow up Peter Pan!

It is a strange phase of life when you learn that your younger siblings have started earning. You feel like saying, 'How did she grow up so fast?' Then last night as me and Devika were watching Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander, we were about to remark but did not do so fo obvious reasons... Then it just came out that 'these are the movies of our age, the ones we saw as we were growing up'. Trust me it was as happy as sad a statement.

I have become quite personal with my blogging, not that I ever had the luxury of a legion of fans like a lot of my contemporaries. But then I also broke out of the mould for I could not write about sex in the sleazy 'Sex and the City' manner like Compulsive Confessor or put up articles or stupid propaganda a la Mr Colin 'Maxim' Fernandes. No points for guessing my scorn though.

Is it always necessary for you to pour unlimited scorn on people who don't matter?

Oh shut your face! It is necesary for reasons more than one.
Anyway, so it is quite strange to see myself in the mirror and say 'you are old!' How do you do that? It is quite upsetting you know.

Do I?

(Hmmm) I keep forgetting who you are. (Cunt)

(I heard that)

Devika has asked me to be more social. When was I ever anti-social? Vivek however said something funny the other day. The question was, 'how come the subect of marriage never arrives in our context'. To which the witty bengali quipped - "We are the non-marriageable types... rather the unmarriageable types".
It is true actually, innit! Anyhow, this marriage virus is spreading faster than the bird flu. Why can people not be happy in their lives that they have to spoil someone else's and then create a third life together which is further spoilt, or going to be. And then one day they will have kids and spoil theirs as well. It is all so silly.

Or maybe you are!

I am not quite liking this banter that we have had for some time now. Since the past few months, I have been seeing that you are never supporting me.

Well if you are looking for unconditional support in your rants, then I am not the one you were looking for in the first place mate. Things have changed and I think you laid down the rules.


Peter Pan, it is time to grow up a little. I am not asking you to live like the world and you know that.

What if I do not wish to grow up like they expect me to?

Firstly, stop getting them in your life. It ain't good pal. Secondly, when have you ever cared about them ever. You always end up doing things your way then where the fuck do 'they' ever come from?

Hmm. Yeah that is also a point.

I guess your hormones, for the lack of a better word, are overwhelmed with certain sudden developments, with your people getting married and younger ones grown up enough to start making their respective lives. It is the natural order of things. And I guess you are there to shake it enough because maybe, and I say this warily, you are ready.

To grow up?

[...] How long has it been since you had a spliff?

About twenty odd days or something.

You suck!

Erm, well.


Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Joker and the thief

My darling butthead tagged me here and it is kind of a funny exercise when you are not doing anything. And since I am not doing anything, I am doing this.
Here is how it goes:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Tag (N) friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

As always, there is no compulsion for the tagged individuals to carry on the chain. But it would be fun to do it. I can say that because I had some. :)

Are you gonna go my way - Lenny Kravitz

Every grain of sand - Bob Dylan

Little child - Beatles

Exploration - Thievery corporation

Bron-Y-Aur Stomp - Led Zeppelin
(Don't ask, even I do not know what to make out of it)

Hitch Hike - Rolling Stones

Breathless - The Corrs
(I should start deleting some songs from my library)

Borderline - Madonna
(Yes I have some Madonna as well!)

Township Rebellion - Rage against the machine

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Tez Dhaar - Sanjay Dutt (Musafir)

One - Metallica

Dreams - Cranberries

I wanna be your dog - Iggy Pop

I wanna be your man - The Beatles
(I swear this is what came out!)

Let the bodies hit the floor - System of a down
(Some wedding will this one turn out to be)

Take Five (salsa version) - Tito Puente

Love in a trashcan - The Raveonettes

Someone's gotta a hold over my heart - Bob Dylan

Pal - KK

Magic Bus - The Who

Love will tear us apart - Joy Division

Joker and the thief - Wolfmother

Thursday, February 19, 2009

25 (Random) things about me

I reckon this has to be one of those posts where people are constantly battling between revealing and concealing. It is kind of autobiographical in the sense that there are a number of things you learn about your friend (how enchanting!) in a world where virtual realities seem to be colliding with actual realities.
And since I am that bored and have been tagged by more than four people till now, I'd rather do it.

However, might I add that being a true blood Scorpion, even more than the usual Scorpions, you will have either have to go a bit deep to understand the 25 points that follow or ignore. Secondly, even if you are that deep, it might not help you that much tee hee hee! As someone once said, 'The reason Kirit is so scary that you never know what is in his mind; his eyes never say a thing unless you are that much into him, the chances of which, given the condition called Kirit Kiran, are extremely rare'.

One small change however - those who wish to continue the chain can go ahead. It is not necessary for you to write 25 things about yourself even if you have been tagged, something which I am still not sure of.

1. It is very easy to make me laugh. You do not need to possess literary skills to charm me with your humour nor a crash-course in slapstick to tickle my funny bone. However, it is indeed true that I respect humour more than comedy. So whether you are Alec Guiness or Chris Farley, chances are, you will end up making me laugh. The contrary is also true - I can make anyone laugh with my sarcasm or slapstick routine, given the person and situation.

2. I am an excellent cook and can pick up any recipe within seconds. During my teenage years, I used to watch Khaana Khazaana more than my sister or mother; actually they never quite saw it. I also collected cookery books with the first buy happening in the year 1994 when I was all of 11 years old. The one thing I need to pick up though is seafood. So far it has only been prawns.

3. I am as confused about my sexuality as any other human would be. I have had two boyfriends in the past, and kissed more than three men in my life till now. One of them was a mistake - I actually did think he was a she and that is why I was drawn to him. I later learnt he was only a crossdresser. Oops! If I were questioned about my status as of now, I'd say that I am purely heterosexual and someone who does not cringe at the mention or the presence of homosexuality.

4. I prefer my women sans makeup or without any kind of horror called cosmetics. I do not understand why they need it in the first place. Every time I have woken up with a woman, I was confused as to whether she was the one I boned last night. The kohl, esp with these Delhi women and the LSR/Miranda brigand, is so thick that you have to make use of a shovel to see what kind of eyes they possess. The word is self-explanatory - make UP!

5. It is indeed true that at any given time in the world, if two people were to sit down and discuss anything related to me, it is highly unlikely that they would have a common ground unless they are in the same circle. And then, too, if they have seen me exposed, something which I know happens once every two blue moons. Different people know me differently and sometimes I just shyly smile to myself about it.

6. It is quite surprising to learn, and this is something I just discovered recently, that throughout my life, it has been the woman who made the first move. Or in some fortunate cases, asked me out. Say whatever, it is strangely true and I do not know what to make of it. What is unfortunate that with none of these women the relationship could go to the next level, or in some cases even to the relationship level. And nobody is to be blamed for it. It is just unfortunate.

7. I prefer talking to people who can look me in the eye. I just hate it when the person you are talking to is looking elsewhere or hardly ever makes an eye-contact.

8. Not many know this but at one time in my life, I have stolen a motorcycle, a car and a bicycle just for fun. I returned it few hours later by parking it a few blocks away from the owner's house.

9. My unpredictability quotient is so high that at times it renders me absolutely helpless and clueless. You can imagine how others would be affected by this.

10. Contrary to what my schoolmates would say, I am not short-tempered. I have mellowed down and more so because I understand myself to a level where my anger is reserved for two kinds of people:
a) those who I love to pieces and anger is just one of the methods of expression I employ and they know it too.
b) those who I do not know and deserve a good beating after some interaction has taken place.
Otherwise I challenge you to make me angry. I promise you will FAIL!
You see, I have inherited my mother's tolerance.
When I am angry, well, God help you then!

11. One thing that does anger me is lack of intelligence. If you were not born with it, you could have earned it as you were growing up.

12. I vehemently detest the derogatory (mal)practice of mixing languages or using them without any grammatical sense or making colloquial seem proper. I loathe the thought of hearing someone say 'wanna' and 'gotta' thinking they are legitimate words. It is like when someone says, 'both of you all' or 'all of you all'. I feel like giving one tight slap there and then.

13. I rarely talk to dumb people or useless fucks! Like that music writer from HT City who hardly knew a thing about music and was famous throughout Delhi as a music writer. Stupid fat cow!

14. I have no answer when someone asks me the following:
a) What are your favourite books? Or who are your favourite authors?
b) How do I look?
c) What kind of music do you listen? Or who are your favourite artistes?
d) What are your favourite films? Or who are your favourite actors/actresses (and no, I am not supporting any stupid feminist like that bitch Shabana Azmi by calling an actress an actor)/directors?
I do not think highly of these people thereafter. I do not think highly of Shabana Azmi either and anyone who thinks people like her (eg Aamir Khan) are good actors, they need to go and dump their heads in toilets.

15. I am a film buff in a manner that I can loudly say that I was born with cinema in my blood. And no, it is not because I had one subject pertaining to films; I have literally grown up with it. At the age of 14 I had understood the importance of editing, cinematography and screenplay.
I also hate the fact when someone fails to understand a film and readily slots it on the basis of stupid TV programming and whatever they could make out of the made out garbled shit printed in newspapers/magazines. Most importantly, anyone who goes by the hype, is, in my opinion, not even fit to be alive. I warm up to those who understand the difference between movies and films. And I literally choke myself with lack of intelligence when sitting amidst retards and opinionated assholes discussing films.

16. I believe 'love' is largely a misunderstood and overblown word. Just as 'sex' is. I have never understood why certain things are hyped more than they can carry.

17. Ok, I have few weird habits:
a) I open a closed wallet/door/bag only to check if it is properly closed/shut/locked.
b) Any kind of key in any pocket of mine will be tinkled more than five times in order to confirm it is there.
c) I love eavesdropping, anytime, anywhere and on anyone. I have really sharp ears and selective hearing.
d) I love gossip more than a woman probably would. I think it is very healthy.
e) I clean my cutlery before eating that is if I have cutlery in the first place.
f) I still make the mistake of wearing a shirt/sweater inside out without realising it.

18. I love my single malts and dark rums. I think Vodka is too strange a drink just like Pina Colada or Champagne. Yes, I only have an intake of hard liquor and unless it is too hot, a beer. I hate it when someone drinks without knowing why he is drinking that or how it is to be taken. For instance, I know people with following weird combinations:
a) Whisky with red bull. Total ganwaar behnchod!!!
b) Whisky with soda+coke+water. I just don't understand what can this be called. I can understand those who mix slight soda and coke but what the hell is this.
c) Beer with ice! Incredible.
And if you love alcohol, then I suggest learn it like I did from one of my uncles or people around.
Oh yes, I just can not, under any circumstances, consume wine. I have not yet developed a taste for it.

19. I am probably one of the most useless people when it comes to fashion advice or comment. I do not understand the concept or the whole vulgarity of it. This means I also do not take people who are wearing clothes as per the "trend" seriously. I also do not like when someone comments on somebody's style/clothes. I think it is absolutely hideous to indulge in an activity like this.

20. Actually, I am religiously against people who can pass a comment/suggestion/piece of advice without asking or any need seen nearby. A display of intelligence, that is if you are indeed brainy, will come by its own and the same can be said about its admiration. You don't need to push it mate, esp about someone else's life!

21. I am in love with the camera but hate being clicked when asked to pose. If you know how to handle the lens then you will click good pictures without asking people to say cheeeeese! I love natural pictures, even if the person looks bad in it. And since I look bad in any picture, natural or posed, you can well understand my hate. I also hate people who are extremely trigger-happy. If given a chance, they will snap you taking a dump, shagging, or even taking a bath. I also hate the specie that is fortunate enough to buy expensive cameras and put them on auto mode the moment they take the camera out of the box. Then, I hate them all the more when people remark positively on their auto-mode pictures. I hate the ones who remark, as well.

22. I detest 'free' privileges. You have one life and if you can not earn them, then you might as well not be alive.

23. I am at my worst when I am cold and uncommunicative. No amount of coaxing can get me back then. That is, to some extent, my anger at its peak.

24. I am a man of simple tastes and extravagant dreams.

25. I am not the nicest man to know! :P

Go figure!

Just randomly...

Why do women insist on wearing heels when their feet start hurting precisely 8 seconds later and all throughout the night, you have to bear the unsettling complaints of pain? It is happened to me on more than one occasion and I reckon it is something to do with me not wearing heels, as the women would say.

Every time someone exclaims, 'You don't understand man!', I rarely know how to respond. Should I ask the person to explain it to me so that I do understand or does he/she wishes me to politely keep listening to the rants while sitting puzzled and curious.

I am absolutely baffled when confronted with the nauseating question - How do I look?

Don't you think you just ask too many questions at times?

Yeah... So?

Oh, so you confess being a prick. How refreshing!

Do you remember the girl in Paulino's circle of friends? The brunette with straight hair and who looks a bit like Katrina Kaif.


Ah, yes, Cordelia-ah! Isn't that a lovely name?

Flavia! Cordelia! Claudia Cardinale! Aren't these beautiful women?

Oh they certainly are. Sigh! Every time I am on the verge of shouting that real beauty, whether in male or female terms is nowhere to be seen these days, I come across one such specimen in stark contrast. But, look at this, how, in time, does a person's name starts affecting him?


See these are beautiful names and the women who have them are equally beautiful. How often have I and Dimitris been on these daydreaming, gooey-eyed teenage boys' trip when Flavia comes in our conversation? Like, see, every person has a name for a reason I think. Another one of those cosmic mysteries. Look at this, every famous person has a unique name. Or distinct.

It could also mean they are distinct people... Every one is born distinct, few recognise and practice it.

No, that is a pragmatic way of looking at this. In my world, half the time, you do not deal with reality. Look at this: Amitabh is a combination of "Amit" and "Abha" meaning the light that shines forever; Shah Rukh is in direct relation with his King-like status in our Hindi film industry; Oscar Wilde, G B Shaw, even William Shakespeare.

Just how uncommon do you think is a name like William?



I often wonder about my own name.

(I so knew this bugger was on a self-importance trip!) And what uniqueness does Kirit Kiran bring to mind?

I am not sure you and I are talking the same language. You are the drug peddler, you do not even exist in reality. You are the alter-ego I have in the already dysfunctional sidelined existence I seem to enjoy every day.

So what does that mean, as in your name?

Kirit means crown and Kiran means ray of light. The crown with the ray of light? The crown that shines.

Crown: A historic memorabilia of monarchy and the like and currently resides only in glass cases and on the heads of inconsequential people like the Queen.

That does not sound good.

Oh, and by the way, even if the name is beautiful, you aren't.

Yes, that is also true.

So, are you going to tell any of these women how beautiful they are? Like, you know, fancy a date or something eh?

No, just randomly.