Thursday, May 21, 2009

I like this high

I am listening to the sounds of silence, as crumpled I lay in the dark confines. It has a sense of deja vu, this feeling, you know. I have heard them before and every time I say the same words. It was kind of strange, the air that I walked through today. I like this high, a temporary sense of absolute disconnect with everything. The sky no longer feels any different, not that I noticed much of it back then... but back then, I was used to noticing it, off and on.
I see myself walking through stone roads with amber lamps on either side and a violinist playing, gently. And then an accordion, and a beautiful face, with eyes that haunt you with an encumbering presence, with those lips and a voice as sweet as a nightingale's.
I just live fantasies, for I know not if they'd ever be real. At least there is no heartbreak, there is no pain. I prefer it this way.

I miss Khajuraho and its lake. I miss the forts, the railtracks, and the cheap beers. That is some kind of life which never returns no matter how hard you try. That is some life that exists and just, exists.
And then I see something that is unseen. That there is a tomorrow and if it is not that beautiful as today, then there is a chance it might be.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Grow up Peter Pan!

It is a strange phase of life when you learn that your younger siblings have started earning. You feel like saying, 'How did she grow up so fast?' Then last night as me and Devika were watching Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander, we were about to remark but did not do so fo obvious reasons... Then it just came out that 'these are the movies of our age, the ones we saw as we were growing up'. Trust me it was as happy as sad a statement.

I have become quite personal with my blogging, not that I ever had the luxury of a legion of fans like a lot of my contemporaries. But then I also broke out of the mould for I could not write about sex in the sleazy 'Sex and the City' manner like Compulsive Confessor or put up articles or stupid propaganda a la Mr Colin 'Maxim' Fernandes. No points for guessing my scorn though.

Is it always necessary for you to pour unlimited scorn on people who don't matter?

Oh shut your face! It is necesary for reasons more than one.
Anyway, so it is quite strange to see myself in the mirror and say 'you are old!' How do you do that? It is quite upsetting you know.

Do I?

(Hmmm) I keep forgetting who you are. (Cunt)

(I heard that)

Devika has asked me to be more social. When was I ever anti-social? Vivek however said something funny the other day. The question was, 'how come the subect of marriage never arrives in our context'. To which the witty bengali quipped - "We are the non-marriageable types... rather the unmarriageable types".
It is true actually, innit! Anyhow, this marriage virus is spreading faster than the bird flu. Why can people not be happy in their lives that they have to spoil someone else's and then create a third life together which is further spoilt, or going to be. And then one day they will have kids and spoil theirs as well. It is all so silly.

Or maybe you are!

I am not quite liking this banter that we have had for some time now. Since the past few months, I have been seeing that you are never supporting me.

Well if you are looking for unconditional support in your rants, then I am not the one you were looking for in the first place mate. Things have changed and I think you laid down the rules.


Peter Pan, it is time to grow up a little. I am not asking you to live like the world and you know that.

What if I do not wish to grow up like they expect me to?

Firstly, stop getting them in your life. It ain't good pal. Secondly, when have you ever cared about them ever. You always end up doing things your way then where the fuck do 'they' ever come from?

Hmm. Yeah that is also a point.

I guess your hormones, for the lack of a better word, are overwhelmed with certain sudden developments, with your people getting married and younger ones grown up enough to start making their respective lives. It is the natural order of things. And I guess you are there to shake it enough because maybe, and I say this warily, you are ready.

To grow up?

[...] How long has it been since you had a spliff?

About twenty odd days or something.

You suck!

Erm, well.