Thursday, July 24, 2008

Lets talk about her darling

I have often thought about the people in my life regarding their connections with me. The other day my teenage wasteland buddy sent me a text as to how she was just thinking of me. You know if she reads this, her apt reply would be, "Don't think too much into it." Oh how much I love her!
But then that took me back to the day while I was walking on the sands, all by myself under the full moon of kartik poornima, wondering where am I going. I prayed for her (perch that eyebrow down, you know who), thinking... they say when you pray with an open heart, it comes true.

Hazaaron khawhishein aisi kee har khawhish par dam nikle
bahut nikle mere armaan, phir bhee kam nikle

Yes, the proverbial fear of living a desire come true! It scares me, you know.

Tu ek kaam kyun nahee karta, sab kuch bol daal. Kya faraq padta hai woh kya mehsoos karte hain. Sur ko bhee toh kaha naa tune. Bahut himmat chahiye uske liye. I am glad you at least said it. It wasn't easy and all I can say is that I know you will die loving her, but then, in your words, that is what I call being human.

... yeah... you may say so.

But I think we are digressing. Hum toh kisi aur road par the, nahee?

... Yeah, her and the poornima night. Thats one of my most significant nights you know. I have not prayed like day, normally I do not. I still have this little hope, a flinter that will glow. I'll die loving her too. Anyhow, I am not talking to you about her, exactly. I started thinking of all the women in my life. Those I met, some whom I loved and others who just walked away or out or as time extended, they fizzled as memories. Then those, who lived time with me. You know, there are moments when you just feel something and it gives you the courage to do it, to live it.
I still don't understand. I had bought the earrings so that I could wear them. But I ended up gifting it to Mary Jane. And now Cobain is my best friend and a brother. What, it has been like 7 years since we first met, MJ? I think so. Or if I had not acted like a desperate prankster, I would have missed out on Aditi. WHat a glorious time we had? How can I forget the soul who gave me the idea of them? The first one. You know how I still draw parallals?

Human again!

IF it were not for her, I won't even have known the presence of women in my life. Of course, this is incomplete without the first ones at all - my dearest mom and my darling sister, she is like a daugter to me. I miss them every day and every moment. I miss our petty squabbles and countless charades. But they, alongwith the woman for whom I have the highest regard, nani, are a different post altogether. They can not be here. This is about the significant others.

Ptch!

Sorry, I am still in the frasier mood. Anyway, getting back. So yeah, she, dob 4th or 8th of August, I think. I am so thankful to her for every passing day, makes me heal the wounds. And then she happened. Prajakta was the greatest and the best. I still feel connected to her. I worked hard at wooing her. You remember the time my entire group of friends at BIT was scared to death because I was not back home in time and was significantly late to be so.

Ah, yes. Shashank had a big problem with you the next day. Hahahha, you used a soppy story of how hard you were working for the annual function that you forgot the time. She came out after an hour or so, right?

Oh, I have waited for her like anything. Sometimes I think the love was just too much, it was some high level intensity that humans normally wont understand or experience. I still do not know how she was just taken away. But I know, that wherever she is, the love is still alive.

I am sorry Kirit. It hurts me too. You were just discovering me at that time.

No, it was not your fault. I am still trying to decode few things. And then as if that was not enough, Ayesha struck. Then Sur, Aditi... I explored new dimensions of love with each of them. So they are up there in a different cloud. But on a different note, see who all I met. Butthead, inarguably one of my simplest, most adorable (and hot) and charming, and indeed a great friend. You know, she said one of the sweetest things one day. Shreez dreamt that I raised a toast at her wedding and amusingly referred to her as Butthead. Thereafter, everybody forgot she was called Shreya. I was ecstatic. I do not remember anyone uttering something so beautiful, about me. Umm, actually it would be unfair to put all the remarks under the same sunshine. Shreez, by far has been one of the greatest things in my life and I love her everyday.
Tilottama still haunts me. She is one of those very few women. Remember that priestess in Kumbhalgarh? My god, she knew about me even before I had entered the fort, let alone the temple.
Lets talk about those I have not even met, at all. Deepa, one of my most adorable younger friends. I mean, I almost treat her like a sister. Or SiM, who was the first one to include me on her reading list. Or was it Jerry? Well, she was the first woman to do so nonetheless. Or lostlittlegirrl... and Ruchika, another scorpio from another continent. Isn't this a sweet bunch? And yeah, the mother of them all, Misfit, my wicked little darling. I so wanted to meet her before coming here. She has been a constant support and someone who, in the same vein as Shreya, has that bumchum quality. Just like Neha. What instant connection we had? Like, with these great people, it just happened in a minute that we learnt that we are going to be great buddies. As if we were born to be so! Isn't this fantastic? Richa, how can I forget my biggest debater in journalism school? She still hates me, I know it but then she is such a woman!!! I can not believe she has a son now. Wonder what mischief he would be upto when he grows up, given his mother's A+ credentials. Some benchmark she has set!
Mischief reminds me of Noopur, my greatest enemy. I think till the day she is alive, her entire family will be jealous of me for having that connection with her. I hate her because I love her so much. And one of the things I really miss is pulling her leg alongwith Sid and Nandy.
Poor Devika, who bears the brunt every damn time. She is like this pesky soul in my life without whom, living here would have been hell. Oh, how much I torment that poor girl all the time. People have already begun asking how she tolerates me. Losers! Just what do they know great friends are! Quite often I end up calling her and asking her to bring me food because I am either stoned or high or lazy. And they think why are we not seeing each other or romantically involved! Again, losers.
Ashi Hansa is another one. But then she deserves it. And I do not know if I can be thankful enough to these two little idiots called Ash and Sush for being there in the shithole called HT. Both of them are too much and two sweet munchkins. We are fondly called the three stooges, considering our antics. I am so glad for both of them considering they are at great stages in their respective lives. Ne plu ne plah! (Something only Sush and I can understand but so are the other statements for those respective people)
Then there are those whom you meet once or just know them, and you never know if there would be any other communication. Because chances are, there wont be any. Isha for her... life; she is just so full of it that it makes me envious. Anuradha for her charm. Noor for her mystery.
Maya for the enigma she is (I havent even met her). Pihu for her silly cuteness. Saadiya for the kindness. She is a great gal. Brave, beautiful, talented, and just the person she is.
Penny for her sensibility. See again, I do not know why I gifted her the book. But after a long time, I found a companion who enjoyed my chats... or well at least listened to me. I really enjoyed learning that she loved her bike ride with me. And she is a great gal indeed. Deep yet chirpy. An antithesis, Payal, PB! She is amazing. Like so much like a bully to me. I dont allow people to bully me, but PB, Shreez, and few others, have that right. And it is my privilege. She also has a son now. ANd I am so happy for her. Harman (another Noor), what a sweet woman. I dont have many friends from Amity you see. I do not keep in touch with her that regularly but she continues to tickle my funny bone with her SMS and forwards. ANd yes, there is Gowry, what an amazing woman! She still compliments me on my facebook profile pictures.

Boy, and you still complain?

I do not complain, Ok! Do not interrupt me in this.
See as I am thinking about all of them, it is all popping up. And I am so loving this whole thing of remembering my sweet women. So, right now I am not complaining. Ok.
Oh when I mentioned Isha, I forgot, Ambika Muttoo. I wished I had known her more. She seemed so nice. Well, she was nice. I wish she had told me that we were friends on hi5 before we met, by chance. Another capricorn like Ambika is Mireya. I never heard the words respect until she told me. What a trapped little genius she is. Knowledge, wit, she has it all. I just wish she is happy, every moment. If it weren't for her, Devika and Dimitris, I do know if I would have survived here in London. What an amazing person she is. Ayesha was a capricorn too, you know.

Yes, I do know. You have also dated an Aries, right?

I have not dated her, alright. T*, with the star. So far, the only woman I remember whose ambition struck a chord with me was Durba. I am still waiting for her to realise what she is worth. I want to see her being famous. But then, yes we are talking about T and Durba is anyway a Libran. She is like a great flame. Achiever, ambitious, hot in her own way and sweet and... innocent. Thats why I was drawn to her and probably still am. She is like this great incandescent a soul. I wish if hazaaron khawahishein aisi came true as per our wishes. Sigh! What a great woman she might be. Lets not go the road of "I wish". I am happy for her and will always be wherever she is. I just hope she is too. She is also bold, the way Surabhi Gupta was, my only girlfriend in school days (not the hot one I mean, the other one who only came for a year). God, I should have kissed her on that day. Ah, from school. Vidyashree Di, who still considers me a junior from school and loves me the same way. Ummm, Aditi, the little girl for whom I used to get chocolates. She must be 19/20 now. WHat a sweet little cupcake she and her sorority gals were. I got her a chocolate when I went back to school on one of those annual functions. I cherish her and our memories so much. I never had young admirers. Come to think of it, I don't have any one apart from those cute little toddlers.

Yes, you do!

Ahhh, My dear ol' Sassy!!! Of course, she gave me a reason to live at that time. WOw, what a gal! I mean of all my friends, she is definitely the most different, with few notable exceptions of course. I was on the seventh sky when I met her. Ah, my fatal allure. Hahahha
But then, just how many people have had good library tales to narrate? Again, something only she and I can understand. She gave something to me that is priceless. It can not be valued because like I said, it is priceless. I adore every moment with her and I am so protective of her that I am keeping tabs on her poor and sweet boyfriend. But most importantly, she made me understand the beauty of physical chemistry. And a connection that literally can not have any conclusion or meaning or even a depiction. My first big fan and on one of my most (stupidest) and adorable pals ever.
Adorable are few of my greatest girlfriends in my family, apart from my sister and mom who are the best ever - Sonu didi, without whom living in London was not even a possibility and Rakhi bua, whose intelligence, wit and humour still astound me (she is adorable); Prachi didi for she was the first one I called Didi; Priya Bhabhi for the wonderful friend she is; Kinni, Simmi and Neha, who are my other daughters apart from Mickey; Manu Mausi for the favourite childhood friend she is; and countless others...
Oh, the Devika I mentioned in the beginning is different from the one earlier. The teenage wasteland buddy is in a different league altogether. She is like one of the coolest women I have ever known. Like Beth from Germany with whom I shared that great night in Pushkar. Or Helena, the biker babe! No, this girl is different. She talks only through her eyes and her deep words. I wish I had dated her. All these women, they are aces in my book. I do not know if I would have come this far if it werent for them.

Here is wishing all the happiness for these great women and as I raise a toast, I wish God bless them all. I love you!

P.S. I love you too! At least we are always together.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Scornful!!!

Hypothetically speaking, if I were a woman I would have published a sex book or an ab-diet book and made myself famous. Well, the other day I was reading a blog whose despicable author has always irked me and Cobain. For long I had wondered what was this woman's ambition that she writes full load of crap and I discovered that one of her first assignments in 'journalism college' was to write an article like none other than the heavily imitable Shobha De. She now has her own column where a lot more crap is published by the very same newspaper I once used to work for. Isn't that lovely? Like wow! I remember me and Abhijeet once remarking how she is an intelligent woman but uses it in the worst manner possible. That is sad... like fuckin' sad. When you have the gift of knowledge and intelligence that is earned, it is advisable to use it properly. But then, ye hai Dilli meri jaan! When Colin released a book and had a problem with my remark on him being a capitalist slave, I could just smile, for reasons more than one. If I was in Delhi and a part of the ratrace, I too would have had done this:
1. Got my own column much like Sushmita Bose's Single in the City or JB's From the blog cabin
2. Or would have been the features editor of an esteemed magazine like Maxim!
3. Produced 5 crappy but immensely popular plays with celebs like Sonam Kalra, Sita Raina et al and that would have happened after sucking their arses for long.
4. Be a part of the cool crowd!
5. Most importantly, I would have become snobbish, arrogant in the hollow manner, and one of the most hated people.
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Arrogance is not the forte of the unintelligent or the banal. Nor is it inherited. It is to be earned and exhibited properly, not in the manner these idiots I just mentioned do. You talk to them and you can understand the Delhi virus. It bites you and it fuckin does a good job. Only few can survive that. But anyhow, we are talking about arrogance. People have told me how nasty I am when displaying behaviour that is either termed pretentious or arrogant. Well, I say this - You do not know me. So the only way you can possibly remark on me (since humans love doing that; they just can't stop themselves, can they?) is terming me that! Again, really sad. It is like when someone talks to Cobain and calls him so damn arrogant that it pisses me off. I am like, you don't even know that he is talking at level 9 and you are at zero perhaps or even far removed from the discussion. Like the time we took JB's trip on facebook, I was just surprised that she just could not come up to our level. Pathetic!
Oh Cobain, let's start fuckin these mongrels; you know it is time.
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I am immensely scornful of the current media trends in India. The commissioner's dog goes missing and it becomes the breaking news. There was a time it was fucking me up big time. And the sad thing is, intelligent people like Jhoomur Bose fan this horrible shindig. It is like a colossal event in our current times and we need people to voice out. Where are those motherfuckers now? I feel really hopeless when I can not make out the outsiders from those frolicking inside. Just who is who? Fuckin hell, innit! I know these people won't learn unless I get inside and be more verbal than ever. I am already inside not that I was outside. No Cobain, we were never trying to fit in; we just wanted our identities and let ourselves be, which unfortunately has never been allowed. So what do we do? We use the very system that has destroyed us, to destroy every one else. The rules were always there in front of us; so were the moves. We just didn't pick them up then. Now we should and we will. I know when I say there is nothing you can invent anymore because this is the age of improvisation. Nothing exists in the purest, natural form that we could shape. We could however, rethink!
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I just hate it when told things about my character without any argument or example. It is like, oh look at that lovely sunset. Oh, Kirit, you know you are like this. What? Dude, if you make a point, at least make it correctly. But then, I can never stop people from talking, can I?
Anyhow, the recent developments have been really shocking. It is proven that I am not worthy of a relationship in life. I just broke ties with three girls in the span of a day. The first one had a distance problem, the second was getting too tough to ignore and third and the longest one had almost resulted in a haemorrhage. Lest we forget, there is still the old flame of which I am totally sure that it is not going to work out in the longer run. Wow, I know a lot. See how happy I am. That has to be a killer day because at the end of it, I even ran out of stuff to smoke. Icing on the cake! About the third one, I finally told her that even though I love her and will continue to do so and that there is nothing wrong in that, we'll never realise this daydream of mine. And knowing her, I could take the chance of telling her how much I adore her and it hurts to see another man experiencing the same, albeit a bit more realistically. So, why keep it bumbling inside when you can say and at least feel not that choked. And I did let it out. It has helped me a little and the dissociation will only help it a little more. Obviously, now things won't be the same... not that it is going to make much of a difference. The second girl is like my partner in the teenage wasteland. Frolicking, breathing and alive. But surrealism grins with evil eyes. And don't even talk about the first one. Like it was some sort of flash in the pan, a meteor in the sky and I like a lovefool wished over a dead star. So it came, it happened and it VANISHED!
Ah, that leaves the ol' flame. No, it is not going to happen. I know that. I think I have earned the right to be a bit selfish and think about myself for a change. It is not going to work out because it won't ever.

This is the problem with that higher level of consciousness. Tolerance is made to skyrocket. Courage is given new dimensions, things only people like me can see, not every tom, dick and Jhoomur. Haha! I have even forgotten that the drug peddler exists anymore. I just wonder if he is my reflection or vice-versa.
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I have decided to draw the list of people I am going to fuck up badly in the coming few years. One of my goals is to send them into oblivion. Have you heard that word, oblivion? It is like... magic. A very potent serum that sends your brain into a state that not many can think of dreaming about. So, here it goes:
1. Gaurav Parasher: That bloke has to have it from me. Like I have remembered all his moves and facial (fucked-up) expressions. One of the people I really want to kill. And soon I will. He deserves it more than anyone else.

******No enemy is worth fighting over Maniac. You know that none of them deserves it, not even Gaurav Parasher.*********

2. Ayesha Sharma: (Are you kidding me K? Her, of all the people?) Yes, she needs it. I mean half the destruction happened after that, didnt it? She ought to be taught a lesson. All these people need to be.
3. Shweta Dudeja: Poison-Ivy! Need I say more? With her, I am going to destroy her very existence, malign it so that no one in her family (I'll destroy them too) can ever dream of saying ill of anyone in the world.

******You are changing K, drastically!**********

4. Colin Fernandes: He needs to understand he is NOT cool, just a plain damn lucky sonofabitch.

********Ha hahah, that is so low standard. Of all the people, COlin! He has not done anything to you, and you know it before I say it. You just hate him, that's ok. I think he shares your sentiment. What's wrong in that? I mean you are willing to give up your great life for an asshole like him. Wow! Some ambition****************
For fuck's sake, I have never given it back to these people. I have never been scornful in my life. I have let my work do that talking, always been the nice guy. You want me to be fucked all the time. Why is it so hard to imagine me being vengeful? What the fuck is wrong in that?
********Do it at your own risk, Kirit. I am with you always. But, something here is just not right. (Because I know Kirit sucks ass at hurting anyone.) Hey, do I remember correctly that you once shared two joints with him?********

5. Arjun Sen: The youngest chap of the lot. He needs to be beaten black and blue.

Oh, my god, it is so fuckin tough looking for adversaries. There are so many names, and after a lot of thinking, these are the names I am coming up with. Imagine.
Oh Yes!

6. Aditya Sinha: That fat ass will be one meaty enemy. By the time I will be ready to fuck him, he would have risen few more levels. But wait, you ludicrous poppinjay. One of the good enemies. Hell yeah!
7. Sonam Kalra, Bubbles Sabharwal, Sita Raina and the Dilli theatrical brigand: They are just too much for me and unless someone like me nails them in their own city in their own line, they will never learn.
8. AB: One person I would really like to fuck and no, it is not Amitabh Bachchan idiots.
9. Aswathy M: How could I ever forget you? Of all the people from Amity, I hate you the most and for all the right reasons. Enough of your attitude babe. You fuckin married fat ass, wait till I get to both you and your husband. I am not sorry if he gets it from me. I would love the fact that because of you, he got nailed too.
10. HIM/HER: I still need a great adversary. Someone who can scare me looking in the eyes. Someone who will never give up and stand tall despite brutal knocks and give one back. Yeah, that is what I need, the strong enemy. I thought of putting COlin there once but deemed him too unworthy of the title. Please God, I need this one!

Now I have a list and a new goal. Hell yeah! This is going to be one hell of a long decade if I were to nail all of them soon. And I don't mind if it all happens at one time.

********** Good luck, if thats what you want from me!************
Whatever!