Friday, May 23, 2008

A string strummed and a riff wasted

It is strange when I walk and learn there is everyone around, but no one close. As the eyes catch a glimpse of the last shining streak of the evening sky, there appears to be a piercing silence that comes out of chaos... I wake up when others are sleeping. I pay fine on books I do not read. I spend time on money that is not mine. I open doors that heard no knock. I looked around and found that small flower in the resplendent bed; there was cadmium, burnt sienna and dark cochre and some purple. Oh, how I fell in love with something that withered away the next morning.
Right about now, funk soul brother!
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I just heard a funny thing when Intellectual Goddess replied to one of my questions. The question was if she was given a chance to change two things about me to make a better person out of moi, what would they be; to which she replied that one was my narcissism (yes, yes, yes, I am so happy to hear that) and if I snore, I shouldn't be doing that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
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Have you ever been in a situation where you got into knowing it would be tough to find a way out? I do it everyday and it is such a beautiful feeling. It makes me feel human at any moment in my life.
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Pearl once remarked how it is so amazing to have heartaches! It indeed is. There are few things explaining this phenomenon, which would otherwise be viewed as forgotten or at least advised as one. Silly specie we humans are. Something happened two days ago after finishing three spliffs in few hours with the smokin buddy here. It turned out that I was sitting as lonely as ever around some lake (I am a water sign with a strong affinity for the blue). It could also mean that one of my greatest heartaches is around a big lake (wink, wink). If I ain't mistaken, there was a joint around and I was pretty happy until...
In a flash I heard one of my buddies remarking how there is a girl whom I know very well. Before I could even manage to turn around, there came this little one who held my face in her soft hands and kissed me on the lips saying "I am sorry for all the misunderstanding Kirit." The earth shook, sky had lit up and blah blah blah, all the platitudes you can think of could be remarked here. It was her - Ay. What a bloody fantastic feeling! I mean there she was, the way I would have preferred her - unkempt, naturally dressed, eyes without the dominating kohl (she always looked lovely without kaajal) and the innocence that made me fall in love with her. The last I saw of her was not a pleasant sight because of the fleeting glimpse and the hatred that comes alongwith... much like those friends that were needed in the first place. But this is not about the past; it is about the dream...
"I am sorry Kirit. Sorry for all the misunderstanding," as tears kissed those lips that said this, all I could see were those gleamy eyes (I distinctly remember the sun shining from the right hand side), and the childlike apology that deserves all the attention. My reply was not far from my conscious brain dreaming the scene; it was never about 'who is wrong where' but 'what went wrong where?' that deserved importance. I was too dumbstruck to respond, but then I was immensely ecstatic. And I knew it was all a dream. This is the best part about (day)dreaming, innit? Damn, I think me and V had finished at least 3 joints the night before.
It is ironic, the whole situation.
But I loved those 45 minutes during which this fantasy came alive... well, sepia-tinted indeed.
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Shrieks and shivers

with the plucks,

induced by knocks

lies a lizard

rolling. Shocked

as if

it

were…

running along dark lanes

shadows lurk as

they are lofted by streaks

mirror gaze

that would’ve ironed the dragon

caught

it

a string strummed

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I had a terrible circle of life experience. A few weeks back, I was shooting someone's film for her submissions. Yes, it was kind of strange but allowed, it seems; I just hope the "young turk" does not sacrifice my name in the credit roll. My experience was riddled with subtle indignant expressions that somehow never got the point across. It was at that moment I saw the charming lady they call life sitting on the highest throne and smirking at me. The similarities were there, with their own disturbances. In the episode 'Kissing Cousin', Niles recollects his growing years in medical school and remarks upon the daunting nature of 20-somethings. I saw two faces of tis phenomenon. First, in the form of my partner in crime who, with her lack of knowledge and expertise, and the pinch of disdain that she sprinkled off and on without reasoning. The picture was completed when:

1. I had a sense of deja-vu (or so I say to avoid the harshness on everyone including meself).

2. I discovered that I was at a much higher level of the same behavioural pattern albeit with a much more intelligent and modest demeanour.

But here in lies the problem.

Sadly, there is no scope for any learning left for her. The other day I was surprised to see that a man who has been in the journalism industry for over four years was seeking her help/eye on his script. I certainly was not happy at the sight. You see, the problem with the self-proclaimed young turks is their complete lack of self-awareness. That is the biggest problem. Worse, if the person has an ounce of intelligence, which is true in this case, the whole picture comes out really ugly. So, I decided to severe the ties and redirect my focus on the highly starved dissertation. What saddened me was that all my attempts (I have never been so calm and patient with someone whose insolence and opinions almost made me tear my hair out) to help her concentrate her energy failed. But, as always, I took refuge in my mother's wisdom. Like mummy said, we can not expect others to come up to our levels just as we can not step down to theirs. So I was, at the end of the story, not that sad.

But, the riff was indeed wasted...