You know you are few years away from getting "older and experienced" when:
1. One of the B Grade Models who became Mrs. World suddenly looks decent to you.
2. You pick up 85% hot women and try to tell the world they are 150% hot and convince the world that there is something special about them that the world does not realise.
3. Every time you have chest pain, you just hope it is indigestion and not something else.
4. All cricketers who played while you used to watch cricket are all commentators, managers, businessowners, franchisee's or just plain retired shmucks with cigars and wheelchairs, or just plain unheard of blokes.
5. Suddenly the older seasons of Frasier feel good.
6. You don’t enjoy discotheques any more. You certainly can’t stand those friggin college kid rock concerts.
7. Rock music sounds like the height of metallic BS and immediately gives u a headache which only clinical sedation can cure. (Holds true for a lot of them, not for few of us)
8. You have a nose and sense to identify "that kind of ******". You know this kind of guy is good for nothing, knows nothing, just survives on very good luck but in the long term achieves nothing. You can predict what happens in his life. You can predict how he will talk and the way he talks and projects himself itself lets you know what kind of guy he is and what happens to him. This guy is harmless, has mediocre fame, normally can never provide a solution to anything he even honestly tries to solve, and is always seen hitting on a bunch of good for nothing women. Reminds one of the unusually defined, ignorant, self conscious and pretentious mid nineties social order of the big metropolis we are a part of.
9. You can predict how people will react and suddenly feel that you are beyond what people a few years younger than you, or what some of your peers are craving for.
10. A lot of things seem to be been there done that.
11. You have seen any darned inspirational sport movie even before you see it for the first time.
12. The people who were always going to be sitting there are no longer sitting there.
13. You can identify the kind of women which Tim Allen would have checked out and dated, but they are still a few years old for you to be considering.
14. You can identify if a 30 plus person looks good for her age, and whether she must have been hot in her time.
15. It is now a golden privilege to consume ham/salami cold cuts, pork rolls, pizza, phags, and liquor. You can still consume them as much as you want but if you don’t take care of yourself now, you will have health problems ten years down the line.
16. You realise that the previous generation's thinking in today’s context, despite any additional input given to them, is clearly outdated.
17. You suddenly start appreciating movies from 80s and 90s and applying their principles to current life. Wall Street, The Firm, Lethal Weapon 1, 2 and 3, etc.
18. You suddenly start appreciating films which intersperse visually arresting and modernised effects with old school stories, themes and narrative techniques. (300, and Sin City).
19. You suddenly find sense in grabbing a beer, a marlboro, some chicken wings, a pack of cards and watching all the cop / mob movies in the world (Training Day, The Corruptor, The Departed). Nothing is more relaxing than a pizza loaded with ham, salami, chicken, and this kind of movie on the side.
20. You suddenly find the really good blondes really hot.
21. You suddenly find hot extras in movies which you last saw ten years ago and are watching again now. Surprising you did not notice them then.
22. You suddenly find you are giving advice on a lot of things to a lot of people.
23. Suddenly the simple things such as having a regular sleep and exercise schedule are out of the question for you.
24. You have to have a local pub hangout. Your own retreat (Morrison, Morrison, Morrison) where everything makes sense to you, the place where you come to drink and relax and get away from the world.
25. You suddenly appreciate serials like Titus and How I Met your Mother because you are too fed up of Friends and Seinfeld. You last saw them six years ago. Even though you saw each episode only once, if it ever comes on again, you just can’t stand to watch it because you can literally predict every facial expression and every dialogue and remember the ten episodes before and after this one. Good God, was this what you were learning while you were in school?
26. You are no longer driven as much by the want of a career, as much as you are by the want of a better life.
27. Science Fiction, Star Wars, Star Trek, and all the obsessions of the past are things you have not had time for since ten years. But if you do get a chance you indulge in these things, and suddenly find a lot more meaning in them. You might not watch this stuff anymore but you make sure that today your DVD collection has rare collectors edition versions bought from abroad for every darned thing you ever used to or wanted to watch, with a dedicated shelf which is the neatest and most dedicated shelf after the shelves dedicated to the Gods. You still hold fond memories of that Sunday when you saw three star trek films and finished six cans of beer.
28. You no longer have the patience to wait for and watch one episode of one serial every week, six months after its entire season gets over in the US. Today you wait till the series releases on DVD, and buy the DVD set of each damn season and make effective use of your credit card. No need to download shit overnight from the net now, since u got a credit card which recently had an extended limit.
29. Hell it has been twenty years since 60% of the sentences you make consisted of the f*** word, in any form or tense.
30. The places which used to be so amazing, are no longer that amazing.
31. You realised that the great time you had in college and some of the amazing times you had, were not pre-cursors to additional stuff like that throughout your life. In fact they might just be some of the most amazing moments which you will remember for the rest of your life.
32. One look at you makes it obvious that you used to be good looking and a real babe magnet. But today you are descending into such horrible shape that you just hope you don’t run into someone you once knew. Looks like ten years from now you will probably have to extra tip waitresses to probably even smile at you.
33. You realise that you are fortunate enough to have made some great decisions four-five years ago. Despite the considerable absence of knowledge and experience at that time!
34. You are already taking pride in things which you feel you have done well throughout your life!
35. Its all about guns, blondes, Vegas, money, outlandish fantasies, the good life, pork rolls, cold cuts, pizzas, cubans, marlboros, budweiser, heineken, a bottle of scotch, sport, anti-acidity pills, the correct set of people and so on.....................after a f*****ed up week.
COURTESY: The great Sithlord Aximuz.
