Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Smiling

I write this under intoxication, in a holistic sense. No, this does not constitute ramblings. The evening said its first hello to me in New Cross - my new home for some time. The amber descended on the concrete structures shining things like a fresh splash. Suburbia is a good place to discover oneself in a mad city. The sky was gleaming with pride; it thinks of the sun and moon as its kittens. Fool! As it kissed goodbye to the horizon, cadmium was there all over disconnecting the cords of present connections. Would anyone be interested in knowing how lost I was? They wouldn't be as I wasn't either! When you face the nature alongwith its toys, you just make a free fall in the trampoline, closing your eyes. Whooops I go and Whoopssss I rise! Roseta Stoned tries to add some riffs but it does not help. Would Ghost Song do the needful? I doubt. And the octagonal territory I am positioned in with two obese women adds to the banality so there is no need to spend time describing that. There was a sudden collapse of space-time dimension. The departing air leaves some shades hanging onto loose corners of the central architecture. Spotted - a leaf in maroon and a bloom in orange. Contrast - The beige of the stones adding their distinct hue. Grass is unpruned and helps the soul loft like a feather. It spoke in whispers, the tone that makes a direct connection. Can you feel a little love; dream on!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Aargh!

This is what I don't like. After writing this long a post (see below), moonstruck is lost in a time warp again. Is life fast or I was too slow to catch up? We meet to part ways and keep some in our heart as memories, good and bad. There are always going to be 'those times' flashing in the head. Ayesha once said, "In school, we all thought all of us friends are inseparable until we came out and poof it was gone. This is life!" There was sadness with a question mark on her face more than facing-the-truth expression. Women aren't that practical and nor are men.
Let me shed a dry tear and come back.

Back!

It has been so long since I was here! Man, it almost feels like one big wave of time has went by. No, it is not that dramatic. Moonstruck is back in the student mode! This felt like one of those morning dreams which I usually have without any dose of alcohol or charas, while the process was still on. It has taken a gargantuan effort for me to come out of the work mode and get into some serious academic shell, which I dread more than hate. There were people who were giving a confused look thinking now is the time when he can actually strike it hard in his career. They were right! But then, something was missing somewhere. And I am not able to define it somehow. Finally, I took inside a deep breath and turned my back on office, hurting few.

And then went in a mode where a lot happened - introspection, reflections, tears and sleepless nights. I started thinking how this would be the last time I might see few people; a couple of them might not be there when I am back, others would just go their way. I tried catching up with everyone, as much as possible. This included my parents who even sadly remarked, with a smile of course, 'what would I do here without you?' Cobain said the same. And so did a few others without saying it actually. Sassy was sad and so was Sush. S made the effort of seeing me in the rains. Mary Jane somehow could not, and though I have every reason to be pissed, I am not. Because I have sort of given up on her; so much for being best friends. It is with a shrug and not cynicism, mind you. Then again, there are few like TK, who don't even know that I am no longer in India. And then there are P&G who are excited and happy for me being in Canada. And of course Somu and Aditi who feel the same staying in Oxford. The most difficult part of leaving my country has been locking a pandora's box of memories and moments waiting to be lived, those daydreams and stories. Society is a parasite that has to eat you and you have to allow it right now in order to successfully shred it off your skin one day. This do this and do that is not going to stick me for long. Right now, this is important for me and that's why I am doing it. How it is going to turn the course, I don't know.

Because the point is I am happy being a student. The first day I went to college and walked in those corridors, it felt strange, and good. I shared this with S that it was like Peter Parker in Spiderman 2, the raindrops are falling on my head scene. My batch is a healthy mix of people from all walks of life (aargh, what a cliche) and countries. Our professors are like really cool, given their multicultural backgrounds and disciplines. My nights are usually getting spent at the Students Union Bar where no body even looks at me and I think they have reasons. Also, it is a place where a lot of undergraduates end up playing snooker or pooh-pooing their kitties. But I, enjoy my drinks under the dark sky. The good thing -- one rum n coke costs me 2 pounds which is almost the amount I paid there.


Before this, it is time to say a big THANK YOU to my amazing Sonu Didi who has made my stay no less than a joyride. She is so warm. I was lucky to spend the first fortnight at her house in Harrow. I mean, in her words, fantastic! My bua was equally caring, as if I am not her nephew but her son. How cool is that? The first week, didi and jijaji took me to Lake District. So all of us packed in their Toyota land up in what I call one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Oh, about my jijaji, he is a cool dude. So chilled out and so friendly. You would not expect him to be so warm immediately given he has met me only twice till now and that too in family functions. He helped me out with the tube map on the very frst hour I landed and even took me to the college so that I know how to commute. Then the vacation. Could I have asked for a better start to my stay in London. A remarked 'Wow, you have just landed and already travelling!' Yeah man, courtesy my sweet family. But Sonu Didi deserves a BIG HUG. Food, travel, affection, she has done her bit more than anyone else could. Reminds me of my mom, totally. Love you Didi. And cheers Jijaji. He is always like, 'Get over this country liquor man, grow up. What rum and coke and everytime, learn to have some wine.' Not a difficult task. Above all, I have so much respect for my bua and phuphaji. I don't know if we would again get times like these to spend together.


And, now here, away from everyone and all of it that was there at one time, I am unable to say what I am actually feeling. In one way, it has not sunk in really. And by what time, I can not say.

So, what I will do is, when these feelings envelope me again, rush back to the house that love built, remember my mom, papa, mickey, and those I love within family, those friends I can never do without, those drinking buddies I could never imagine being such great buds with, women, all of them, even the ones I secretly feel for, and those I have never met but would have loved to (like lostlittlegirl, misfit, SiM, Ruchika and whole lot of them) and just try and make head and tail out of my life. Or maybe just another rum n coke! Cheers.