Friday, July 27, 2007

Tell me Oh dear tarot.....

Over the past few weeks, I have been really busy doing nothing. Nothing except reading tarot cards. Now, my mother is an expert, learnt it the right way and practiced step by step. Moonstruck is born impatient and anything that he sets his eyes on must come to him immediately. It does not, for it is a rule of life. But then, I am happy fiddling with the deck of cards that show the future.
Since childhood, I have had the fascination for psychic readings — in the form of palmistry, sun signs, black magic et al. Mystery is a scorpion's middle name and the when the unknown confronts me, it heightens the blood flow.That is why I like doing the impossible and difficult, in that order. So, it was obvious when the meticulously drawn major arcana first came before me, I was kicked.
But that was given like a handout of sorts, with no reading material. Deducing comes from clues; with no foundation there was no space for them either. Mother decided to pursue it from scratch. Go ahead mummy, I am right there to pick up the traits.
And one day, the Zen Tarot Cards arrive. Oh, it was like opening the new set of comics or chandamama in childhood. That aroma, glossy cover, and the touch of something that the virgin mind is so attracted to. Once my mother was through, it was time for Neptune genius to shuffle them up.
Every card is a story, a depiction of the hidden and not-so-obvious but evident details of the mind/heart/karma of a man. The set of cards we possess is a reflection of the person's soul we are about to read the future of.
Now, when I couple my Reiki powers/sun connection with crystal ball on paper, there is something so whacky that I could never have imagined.
My first guinea pigs, in reality or mano-i-mano, were P&G. Ok, that means you do not need be in front of the person. There is no need of his/her physical presence. So I had done my homework, well pretty much, before I were to do abracadabra on them.
Somehow, when I nudge my powers, there is a strange world that dawns. It is like everything is pure white and there is a feeling in the palm that confirms the presence of power. It has taken me almost 7 years to develop the skills for mixing the ingredients of sun-signs, palmistry, mind-reading and, the most important of them all, talking in the right tone. I have to be careful of my words, readings and their communication. As a rule, we (as in psychics or whatever shit that means) can't tell all and present the hideous details in a better way.
With tarot, you know you are safe. Because every card has numerous interpretations, some crafted by the painter/artist in a clandestine manner, and surprisingly, some that are oh-that-is-so-obvious. But, not for the reader.
So far, I have freaked out the heads of three — all women. All good looking, smart, confident (well almost) and sexy at the same time. P, G and T.
It is such a kick I tell you but at the same time, it also teaches refrain. And I have just started out. The fool's journey has begun.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Strange day

When I woke up today, there was little idea of what lies ahead. It was not a good morning for me as the head was clueless — a feeling that disgusts me beyond any rationale. It happens at irregular intervals and there is something ringing aloud up there that shouts "This is the day". Tuesdays are generally bromidic. So, I keep so low that in an empty room, chances are, I might just be missed. Though, there is every reason for moonstruck to be happy when that happens. In between, there was a temporary high of sorts when I learnt that for number 5, this is a good day. Bah! Numerology can be so misleading.
So it was time to get on the feet and set the papers in line. My LSE admission has again been paused for lack of more documents — graduate transcripts, semester wise. This they had not asked earlier. I now wonder whether they intend to give me an offer or not. And even if I manage to receive one, would the juice be worth the squeeze. Yes, I am patient and highly impatient with few things.
Then I learn that the Enfield's engine has an oil leakage and it has badly scarred the shiny armour. Also, some humbug neighbour parked it in such a way that I found it being supported by the wall and not its stands. And then this, then that, then this, then that...
But this was just the beginning. A had told me the turmoil S was going through these days and esp the last 48 hours. So, I pretended not to know anything and went to the smoke zone with her. In no time, the details were out - her beau, supposed beau, is seeing someone else. This is really something that shook me up. Monday afternoon was spent with mom practicing tarot. Obviously I had to figure out S's story too. What came out, I am keeping to myself for a little longer than intended, as the timing is inappropriate. Now with her professional and personal life on rocks, I really pray good times start to roll. It is time this girl starts laughing, and without pretence or that plastic smile that she fights to put it on her innocent face. The office is becoming a graveyard, in real terms now and in a lot of ways that I find hard to speak of.
Still, the day is not over yet and was not worthwhile. The bad days that I blogged about earlier are a different story — being a Neptune, I love taking them head on, even though the admittance would be conspicuous by its absence. A boring day that constantly irks and presents a morose picture without daydreaming is unacceptable.
Although I have been receiving good news from all corners. And I will not reproduce as they are very close friends; don't wish to jinx them (I can be superstitious). Holy Cow is on the blogosphere and she just can not hold onto her horses. The other good news made me really happy. It also transported me to that time and for a moment, there were three-four different elements in my happiness. I resigned from the fact that I was talking to her and went for a smoke. That is the best I could do. This cornucopia of emotions shall culminate in another post. Because there is so much to say that it will take a long time to process and arrange the thoughts.
As the day finally ends, this convoluted language up there has bereaved me of my sensibility, clarity and above all, belief that things are good or soon will be. But the scorp will hang on and wait for tomorrow. Have a lot of catching up to do of yesterday too. And then a nice evening awaits me with P&G. That will be something to talk about.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Singlehood!

It never dawned on me that there is a sizeable cult by the name of Singlehood. For someone who never was in one place, wanderer by choice and mostly mentally not physically, the whole idea of being a Single was like just another phenomenon. Probably just another way of living in a society or whatever shit. But now, things have changed.
So after two rock solid relationships and two that never took off, it is for the first time I am being pinched everywhere in the dark by these Singlehood bugs. It is difficult for half the world to welcome you as a single, first things first. "You are 24? And single!" Then there are others who scoff. Another chunk of these people are like thumbs up. "Dude, I admire you man. All by yourself, never scared to do things alone and you are courageous man. I like your spirit." Chal naa!
I am lucky to have friends who are single and I also hope they don't stay that way for long. Thry are all very nice and sweet. D&A, Cobain, Mary Jane etc etc etc.
So right now, there are times when I can still call anyone up and share a drink. Not that I can not do it alone; I love being with myself amidst hundred people I don't know. But that is also a nice way to enjoy your time. Apart from the fact that now even those who I hadn't expected to have begun asking me about my love life, dating, sex and all those pertinent questions you are going to be tied down with. The worst part - they all need an answer and I can not deny them.
Yes, so those contact lenses are back, the Enfield has been set roaring, the shades look well lit in nighttime just like the old days and after a real long time, the eau de colognes, deos (sporty, strong, fresh et al), perfumes, all of them are back.
Except for one teeny weeny pimple of a problem -I don't have a date. And honestly, I am not even looking for it. Some optimism my friends have.
There are a bunch of other problems too. I have gained weight and lost height. No, there is no transposition of words, but it is true. There are no muscles. And the last time I took out a girl, yes a GIRL for drinks, she was two inches taller than me and really fuckin hot. Besides her glowing face that just made me bumble with so many good feelings but I was dumb. No I was a dumbfuck. Poor girl must have been bored out of her wits - she is really intelligent. The worst part was all that we could spend were 45 minutes. I shall write about the girl in the next post. She is really interesting.

BUt but but, the point is, no the fuckin point is I have been bitten and real bad by these bugs. I am single confused to comment whether to mingle, any girl out there, give me a tinkle. And do give me some time to prepare. I shall not let this SInglehood plague me anymore.
(to be continued)

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Fuckin Bad Day!

Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!

There are bad days and there are bad days. But in between there is FUCKIN BAD DAY. That is like a cactus up your arse. When I start the day, it is with a smile, thinking, that somehow the world is not such a bad place after all. Somehow things are not all black and white and when I can see the grey, they can too. WRONG! Because there are just two ways of looking at things.
So I learn the office is not comfortable with my presence today. Alright! Like I care beyond a certain point. My helmet cracks up and I don't know what to do as I got to reach office on time. And Roman would continue to scoff at my helmet. The body is paining, as fever has gripped in with its allies - cough and cold. Pop a pill, pop another. No, it does not help, not the least. There is rain or no rain. People they call relatives are at home and there is utter confusion up there - you can't go back home and you can't leave office so late. You try and look good and despite your best efforts and your fuckin' ill health, there is not even acknowledgement. Vanity is indeed a personal issue. The air is tight, real bottleneck tight. The favourite joint has to put the meter down as there is cops' problem. And when you reach another of your favourite place to hang out with good friends and people, the cops have a problem there too. And then, of all the motherfuckin bad luck instances, the cops had a problem with ME. The clock ticked in and ticked and ticked and no sir, the drunk khakee would not budge. Call up your folks, and let ussshhhh talk to them. Teree maa keeeeee! That done, the ultimate yuppie pretentious disgusting of a soul crossed us there. 'What the fuck?' react Penny, Gowri and Moi. Some people have the nerve and the dilemma is that we can not tell her that this is getting too rotten and no more pretending AND you just can not fuckin insult her. Because we are nice people; chutiya as I would put it. D&A don't know how to react... they could not even understand whether they should react. Poor simple, clean-hearted, sweet buggers. Icing on the cake is a lesson - it is either a date or a coffee meeting. These are the only two ways of looking at it. Like I said Black and White. Random is a word associated with losers and focus with dorks or super achievers. I am still trying to make head and tail out of this logic.
Yeah, laugh you drug peddler. You are having some good time out of this.
"Ya toh deewana hanse, ya tu jise taufeeq de; Warna is duniya mein rah kar, muskara sakata hai kaun."
**********SILENCE***********
"You are the spotted outcast Kirit. Ruled by Luna, descendant of Pluto and born with five planets in one house, what more did you expect? You have been granted bad days, and it is not so bad. When there are no ears, or eyes, it is better to retreat. Cheer up and Boom Shankar! Fuck the fuckin bad day, there are more to come and each carries a new flavour. Let's just savour them."

Moonstruck does not know how but the drug peddler is an intelligent dormant animal who knows to calm the maniac. Yeah, let's just fuck this.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Marital bliss... damn

Pre-Script: Amit dada says, "Kittu, when there is a wedding in the family, a new relationship is formed and several others are broken or harmed."

I had not seen a family wedding happen in some time. So, when one of my paternal uncles decided to hold the marriage of his son in Noida, it was a news of mixed feelings. Detached as I have been from his family for sometime, I was also indifferent to the happiness. This is so bloody unlike me, a man who wishes to celebrate more than he has in his capacity to. I did not know for one how can he have the nerve to order my parents to help them with every damn thing when the scars of the past are quite fresh. I wanted to enjoy but given my parents' insult, I chose to give them a cold shoulder.
Although I was surprised by their newfound affectionate attitude — the deliberate dose of sincerity had me puzzled for some time.
More than that, the sudden revival of dead ties.
Anyway, I avoided the side functions like Lagun and Madha and went only for the main ones. (The entire khaandaan was putting up in Noida and I preferred to stay at home)
And to my dismay, I was not even questioned. Some family I have man.
Carrying the same chromosomes as my folks, it was obvious for me to be warm. Sometimes, I detest the gene, while I love to embrace them too. In the film Anand, there is a line that the protagonist says to sum up the wounds inflicted by his 'family'. "The way we choose our friends, I wish we could choose our (familial) relations too."
So we continued to be warm and participate with full zest, though hating it at the same time. And one after the other, the ties started to break. I knew something would happen for sure, and it did. What disappointed me was the pace at which caustic remarks were hurled and utter disregard was exhibited esp by dearest uncle and aunt. This woman is so damn illiterate that she does not think for a second before putting family's respect at stake. We may be forgotten Rajputs on one hand and Punjabi landlords on other, every household as respect at its core.
But when it got a little too much, I decided to discontinue the reciprocated love. Go to hell!
In the past two days, after everyone has reached their respective towns, I am beginning to learn of the shocking details and esp those that papa and mummy had to face. And this fucks up my head further. Why? Why does it happen every fucking time? Is this some sort of a family ritual?
My other paternal uncle called up the eldest aunt and told her that this is over. "There is no way we can continue these ties when Praneet and Shalini (my parents) have been subjected to such insults. These people have not changed and it is better we do not face them anymore."
This is not the first time the entire fucking khaandaan has let me down. At the main function, while I was helping my naani out with dinner, and so were my folks, I saw the entire family up on the stage for a phamily picture. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Where is my mom and dad? Why couldn't one of them ask loudly for us and stop the damn shutterbug from going ahead? The same happened in 1990. And history repeated itself. I felt so bad for my people, they worked their ass off for your bloody son's wedding and this is what you give them in return. Fuck You!
Some family this is man!
I am glad the Prince's wedding is over. Though I do feel sorry for the bride as she does not know what she is going to face. Poor girl, she was not even welcomed properly into our side. Have you ever seen a bride going in a car that was not even decorated? I felt so ashamed for a moment.

Post Script: Given a choice between family, society and a friend, I would always go for the friend. At least you have liberty in the relationship.