Friday, May 12, 2006
Continuing from my last post.....
Finding and fighting our demons of silence in my solitude has crippled me. I really wonder over why i have outgrown my age. the endless list of compliments from peers and elder specimens of species has not made me happy. the feeling is not registered in my brain.
I am swamped by the triviality of life that satiates my contemporaries who are gleefully accepting it and moving on. Disoriented images throught crystals strolling down on my cheek dry up taking the tears with them..... and leaving a mark..
Is the problem with my vision or the ones outside the cocooned aura of my physical presence? If it is on us to choose happiness or view it then why does my smille not reach my eyes?
You must be curious to paint my picture, aren't you? Humans love other in pain?
Ever seen a kid, whose eyes spell innocence with tears clogging his vision and not dropping down, stretching out his arms to whosoever looks at him?
Now, imagine him inside a dark room, captured within the monstrous facets of life, lighting the shades of blakc. he is crying, fighting the demons away, shooting arrows of anguish in a failed attempt to shun them away!
Please enclose withinthose warm arms of yours. I need a shoulder to cry on, someone who makes me smile, that is the pained emotione humble request.
But does anybody listen? Those who do cant help him, for all us are confined within our cubicles.
The high density atoms travelling in chaos within the dome of the brain, are now faster than light.
the moment the feeble soul captures them, time will stop with fear for the outburst will be extremely uncontrollable. it will know no boundaries, the so called codes will be shattered and the dome will be set ablaze and ashed down with the explosive rage. Great balls of fire shall circumambulate the boisterous glowing oozing with energy.
But when will that happen is something that is the argument.
The child weeps, his arms still stretched out, crying tears of pain, the voicesof which do not knock on the lobes and drums. Help him before his innocence dries outand the demons take over. PLEASE!!!!!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The New Look
Yes, doesn't it look nice now!
I was toying with the idea of making my blog look new, maybe colours or just a look that i would love to see on my blog.
This republished cyber diary has a bigger picture behind it.
For quite some time. I have been doing the thing that defines my identity and the header on the navigation window - Inquisitor.
I had stopped thinking. I dont know, i dont have a reason.
Then, I did something this saturday that made me look like the laughing stock of everybody. Though it was something that everyone does, especially nowadays, I did not quite like it.
Not because of the word moral or my fight with folks the next morning when the hangover was still strong, but i felt disgusted because that wasnt me.
Inquisitor was back in the body.
I have had some thoughts in the mind that at times took the shapes of noises. One of my escapades included hitting the bar at Cafe Morrison, everyday.
Another one, after i asked Aditi out, was to spend time with her. In a way i was avoiding morrison and spending some moments. But the noises were there.
While my conversations with Aditi revolved around day to to day stuff, in few moments of solitude i willingly told her about my past. In episodes, i started revealing things that happened at a certain point and i did not care to note them down. OR DEAL WITH THEM.
And that is where the whole thing accentuated.
With every day, i started questioning more and more. My past, people, parents, incidents, days, mistakes, catastrophies and so on and so forth. And then the present, the diffcult to predict future. It was getting tougher day after day.
Finally the saturday blown away incident happened. I could not muster the courage to get up and think. I was just too lost.
Yesterday i discussed this with my soulmate, reeti and she told me what i had told her few weeks back.
Deal with it. It is about time. There have been things in the past that are simply spoiling your life. Try to convert that into a learning experience.
And it starts with thinking and talking.
The new leaf, the new look.
I just hope i come out to be a better, changed and to some extent a new individual. One who can find what he is looking for.
Moonstruck as always
Kirit’s Klaustrophobic Korner 9/5/2005
Kirit’s Klaustrophobic Korner
To be read by:
· The Perpetually Insane
· Moonstruck Maniacs
· Divine Mockerers of words
The rest can stay away as they are just out of their mama’s laps and think that they are some kind of arrogant bums who can just act pricey in this world full of priced up commodities, including life.
This place is Quixotic, divine. The ones who think they have done something on mythology and having finished an academic thesis (Just what the hell is that), proclaim philosophy to their skin as if they were born with it can just, READ THIS, can just stay away.
Lest they might be subjected to some haberdasher of my insults and let me tell you I am damn good at it.
Beginning today Kirit and I will write something that needs to be deplored in order to understand. Not between the lines, just the words, like Kirit said, divine mockerers of words.
Watch this space.
Kirit is just leaving a quote for me for this day. Tomorrow, he’ll explore another territory.
“TO DO IS TO BE;
TO BE IS TO DO;
DO BE DO BE DO”
for the past few days i was wondering that why is it that people living in the concrete jungles here are not bothered to welcome the winter rain that splashed so beautifully yesterday. the stars that appear so clear these days. we are swamped by the idiot box and the triviality that the absence of sun is night, hence moon and stars don't matter. it is a teenage wasteland, where the soul becomes a zombie. and treads the path like a robot. thoughts die as you grow old. questions sublime by the time you can search for the answers. In between i look for my distorted reflections in these drops of Jupiter, just to catch myself encapsulated within illusions umpteen and interpretations numerous.
gotta make an entry as the mind's off and is squirming like the toad as jim said. dished out the ideas today completely and workin on these two plays as of now. first has a line of good actors and one pathetic actress who cant act. second has 2 of them and still is missing the punch guess screwed up the screenplay. no fuckin clue how would it come up this sunday as it is the first screeening. workin hard and crazier. My friend Shreya has just joined me and talks of being crazier than me. I'd say girl u still gotta see whats happenin. Met a beautiful girl sitting on the curb of coffee day and smokin in the air till the guy from in came out and said please dont do it. the fuckin cops are gonna be around any minute. couldnt talk to her much. hmmm thinkin to hit the stone chairs tomorrow in the garden of five senses. and then go to the ithaca styled pillars and write another piece of mindlesss fiction. Goddamit.